Good-bye dwelling in the perfection of absolute inner union and meeting all my own needs. Good-bye extreme independence, self-reliance and infinite self-love or infinite anything that denies my valid longing to feel that I am loved, cared for, cherished and adored. Good bye pretending I’m ok with another person’s hands all over my beloved’s body.
For too long I have tried to transcend my need for safety in relationship. At 41, I’ve realised it’s a tired old lie. Now I listen to the truth of what my womb/sacral power and my heart are telling me.
Please, don’t take this the wrong way. Inner union is necessary and beautiful. A level of independence is what we all ought to cultivate as is having the ability to transcend our personality. From here, we don’t just give in to our ego’s reactivity and make demands from a wounded space of wanting to fill what is missing inside of us. We don’t get so caught up in the “story of me”. We take self responsibility.
I’m not suggesting we get lost in the waves and forget we are the ocean. I’m simply suggesting that we balance transcendence with our authentic human values and desires; independence with INTERDEPENDENCE and non-attachment with secure attachment.
There comes a stage, I believe, where we get so good at meeting our own needs; so solid in cherishing and adoring ourselves that any outer relationship that is not a reflection, will naturally fall away.
Codependency to mainstream is what independence has become to Tantra. The conditioning. The high road.
Monogamy is to mainstream what polyamory has become to Tantra. The conditioning. The high road.
What’s your truth?
I am not sharing this with you so that you follow my truth. I share this with you to free you from your own untruths that result from “shoulds”.
Perhaps it is time we embraced the taste of love in all of its humanness. Perhaps it is time we welcome our tenderness, allow our needs to be seen, felt and met from not just ourselves but also from others.
This isn’t about wanting someone to fill the missing pieces. This is about breathing, feeling and being real with the ache in our heart to feel safe and held in love.
A Tantric Relationship is a Friendship on Fire!
How do we cultivate and maintain a friendship on fire?
With FRIENDSHIP – a sincere desire to support each other’s happiness and challenges
With PRESENCE – the willingness to be undefended in the face of love
With TENDERNESS – a surrender of the mind that is trying to mould, change or fix another person
With ACCEPTANCE – the deepest embrace of who someone is, the real them, not your projection
With ALIVENESS – an ability to feel, to communicate, to be playful, to be real
With SILENCE- listening, witnessing from your centre of being-ness and the silent void, even in the midst of pain and pleasure
With FIRE – triggering, appreciating and enticing each other’s desire and growth
With DEPTH – penetrating and receiving deeply into the heart in and out of the bedroom
With JUICINESS – sensual, conscious, wild intimacy that moves sexual energy throughout the entire physical and energetic body.
And then, we give our total devotion to avoiding nothing within the human experience – allowing LOVE and FREEDOM to dance and flow.
Click the video below to learn more about how to cultivate relationships the Tantric way.
Relationships as an Opportunity for Growth
Beautiful relationships begin through embodied self reflection. Looking at ourselves; finding, following and trusting our needs, taking responsibility for our internal state in a very real way. Listening to ourselves and to those we love.
When we become responsible for our own emotions and take back our projections, we can share our needs honestly with love; not through shaming and criticising each other.
When we can hold space for another and listen without judgement, we can reflect with love; rather than deflecting through attack, defence, analysis or assumption.
Relationships become fucked up when we have expectations as to how people “should” behave, then get very angry when our expectations are not fulfilled.
If in your relationship you shame your beloved every time they shatter your ideal picture of what love should look like, or deflect rather than reflect every time they share how they feel, you are missing a potent opportunity for growth.
Beautiful, mature, harmonious, inspiring, honest relationships are only possible when you can both share how you feel AND listen with a trusting loving heart.
That’s when the fun really begins and you can start creating heaven on earth together instead of expending wasted energy being right rather than being kind, which only creates drama.
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If you are looking to move from a co-dependent relationship to one of interdepence then check out our upcoming courses around relationships where you will learn what interdependency between two lovers entails (rather than co-dependency or extreme independence).
Awakened Relationships – Perth 2019 from the 6th– 8th of September and Relationship Tantra: 8 Wk Men & Women’s Course 2019 starting in Perth on the 11th of September. These events are for singles, couples, men and women.
During these events, you will learn how to navigate the realm of relationships so that they become your greatest teacher – not through separation or conflict, but rather through self-responsibility, self-love and honouring of the divine within yourself and your beloved.
We hope to see you there,