Feel into a person and/or situation that makes you angry.
When your anger arrives, welcome it like a guest in your house. Bear in mind that tuning into your womb is part of your entrainment in being able to sit in the fire of anger and burn away what no longer serves so that you can transform.
Your anger is a sign that somebody has crossed your boundary. Your anger will subside once you assert the appropriate space that is needed between you and that person – emotionally and/ or physically.
To begin with, take a moment to settle into the breath and the body. Don’t try to control it, but let it settle into itself. Use deep belly breathing and keep coming back to the breath throughout your process. The breath will take you into your body and relax the mind.
Own your anger and the story you are running that goes with it, because every painful emotion has a story line; a narrative that’s not only creating the anger but continuing it through time. It is the argument, the judgement, the opinion, the resistance, the narrative that makes someone else wrong. Acknowledge and validate the story with compassion. It’s fair enough.
Now begin to let go of the story and shift all your energy to the emotion itself, to the feeling of it in your body. Choose to feel the anger without the feelings becoming thoughts. Just be willing to feel the raw energy of anger, like a flame burning, whether it is felt in your chest, gut, back or shoulders. Feel the fire and let it burn, then give it a voice.
Express and release, incorporating some music that triggers anger and power within you. Remember the keys to expressing and releasing – BREATH, MOVEMENT AND SOUND!
Note: Express and release tools for anger:
- Pillow Pounding (when you are angry try bringing your lower arms onto a pillow in upward, forward, open motion.Punching a pillow using your forearms in a controlled way, in other words)
- Hand Scream (screaming into your hand. Great for frustration)
- Pillow Scream (screaming into a pillow. Great for frustration, anger, resentment)
- Power Stomping (standing and reaching to the sky while stomping feet into the earth. This is awesome when you want to get into your power, especially out in nature)
- Pelvic Thrusting with Pillow (Thrust your groin into a pillow as though you are ‘entering’ the pillow – great for sexual frustration and claiming power back)
- Tantrum (lay on the floor and throw a tantrum. Great when you are not getting what you want)
- Shaking (releases the stress response)
Pretend the person you are angry with is in front of you and tell them what you really think from your belly without spiritualising it. Say out aloud everything you want to say to them – For example, “I hate you, you’re a bully, I can’t believe you would do this, all I ever do is love you and this is how you treat me, can’t you just be a loving mother/father/beloved, your love has so many conditions, I’m tired of you and want nothing to do with you.”
Just allow yourself to experience the layers to whatever extent you can. You’re not forcing anything upon yourself – you’re just bringing great love and great care to your experience. You’re not trying to break through it or get rid of anger. That’s the old egoic agenda which is the issue in the first place.
As you open to the deeper layers of your anger you can keep asking yourself: “What is the emotion or energy that is deeper than this?” Underneath anger is usually sadness and vulnerability. Open to that. Memories may also come up, and/or deeper understanding. Allow the experience or energy to unfold as deeply as you’re willing to let it unfold. Keep feeling the deeper energies in your body.
Now change seats and sit where you were imagining they were sitting. Call in their energy, their spirit. Become them and express/speak as them. You are saying what they would say if they were to be really honest and transparent with you. This is not necessarily what they would say in 3D reality. Keep going back and forth on the cushions until you feel that the process has come to some form of resolution.
Now just let your attention relax from any experience and let it settle.
Once you have gone to the underworld and returned to the upperworld with a clearer, loving heart, ask yourself the following questions and see what arises:
How is this person my teacher?
Is there something that needs to change?
What is my new boundary?
How is fear preventing me from having healthy boundaries with this person or people in my life?
Determine what is at the root of this fear. What do you fear will happen or not happen if you have this boundary? If you want to take it a step deeper, think back to what you were taught about your physical and emotional boundaries as a child, adolescent and adult.
Reflect on how establishing or upholding boundaries, especially in your romantic relationships, could renew and transform your relationship with yourself and with others. Remember, boundaries teach others how you want to be treated. So, go ahead and show them!
Feel your fears around setting boundaries. Now imagine that you are holding a sword. Imagine you are slicing your fears away. Slicing the past condition away. Feel a loving, empowered choice to no longer put up with anything that doesn’t serve you.
Anger is the most powerful emotion if it is channelled with self-responsibility and it is also key in maintaining healthy boundaries. My intention is that you can process anger in your everyday life and listen to what it is telling you. So rather than frustrations building up into periodical blow-ups, you are moving the energy of anger consistently and it can be transmuted into feminine power. Claim your sword which will burn those it touches with the fire of self-worth and transformation, rather than a scolding, all-consuming fire that leaves a trail of destruction in its wake – including your own destruction.
Welcome to a life lived with healthy boundaries!