Communication and self-expression are key to sharing your purpose with the world, maintaining happy, thriving relationships, attracting people to your ideas, working productively with others and influencing change. It is the driving force for achieving your life’s purpose.
We can hold ourselves in the world with the posture, expression and communication of a helpless Princess or with the cool, calm, collected energy of the Queen.
When we are a Princess in communication, we are dramatic and frenzied, constantly needing rescuing. When we are a Queen, we have a great balance of being ok with who we are, but also grace, confidence and containment. Think of an actual Queen. She is graceful and calm, joyful, compassionate and kind. Even if she is worried internally, she does not show that to her “people”, but rather transmits a calming presence. While those around her may be stressed, she is an inspirational reminder to them to trust, stay calm and carry on. She creates community by gathering people together who hold different strengths and skills and who she loves dearly. She holds the archetypal energies of Warrior, Lover, Mother and Priestess all at once –taking advice from Source or Divine Headquarters (See blog: ‘Empowering Yourself with Archetypes’ for more information).
No matter what field we are in, we can be a Queen archetype – we just need to be cool, calm and collected. We are empowered by Source like the Priestess, but we also offer the grounded nurturing love of the Mother. We bring sensuality and embodiment to business like the Lover, but also keep the focus and dedication of the Warrior. A great aspect of the Queen archetype is the substance, expertise and passion she brings to her service. As Queens, we are able to integrate intelligence and passion into otherwise “airy fairy” topics. Above all else, the Queen is dedicated to forming a temple or Queendom which essentially serves love and freedom on the planet.
In this blog, I will go into more detail as to how to grow into The Queen with more awareness, so that your expression consistently comes from an empowered space of Grace.
The Princess archetype tells a lot of stories, explains, complains and fluctuates between people pleasing and making demands. She often comes from the hidden motive of wanting to be rescued. She has a strong mask of sweetness and innocence and is metaphorically looking out from her ivory tower for Prince Charming to come along. She has yet to learn to work with her inner power. A lot of her communication and expression is centered around trying to get love, validation, answers outside of herself and attention. Her potential is often dormant until it’s awakened by either a steadfast commitment to transformation, a life crisis or a tough, challenging time.
On the contrary, the Queen’s communication and expression is wise, centered, authentic, transparent and clear. She thinks before she speaks, she knows herself and is comfortable with who she is, so she speaks from a place of knowing her worth rather than needing validation, pity or rescuing. The Queen learns from her own mistakes rather than becoming a victim and has faced her inner demons. She has looked deep within herself and, as a result, she has become stronger. Unlike the Princess, her power doesn’t come from how others respond to her or what others give her, her power is based on deep connection to her own heart and awareness. She has mastered the art of witnessing, of stillness and of aligning what she wants with her own actions rather than the actions of others (See Being Woman Retreat in India, for an 8-Day Initiation into becoming a Queen).
Below are the key ways you can learn to express yourself in the world as a Queen:
Welcome your challenges and the changes that they are asking you to bring to your life. It’s okay to feel hurt, to feel like a failure, to make mistakes and it’s okay that things don’t go according to plan. Cry rivers of tears or smash pillows if you need to, look within and find the lesson, express what you need to express, change what you need to change but, please, don’t act like a Princess who needs rescuing. More power, more heart centered loving awareness is always on the other side of the veil. Once you lift it, you’ll see a new path forming in front of you and you will walk ahead instead of waiting for something outside of you to change. Authentic expression within, leads to authentic expression externally, where you can create the change that needs to happen – where you are the creator instead of the victim. Trust the process.
Being honest with yourself can be extremely difficult. Suddenly, you might realise that you have to leave the job that your parents or society have wanted you to have, which does not actually bring you joy. You might realise that you have to leave your partner with whom you do not experience a lot of ease or pleasure with. You might have to stop working with someone or engaging with someone who is toxic. No matter how painful your realisations are, stop kidding yourself and do what you know you have to do. Cut the ties that bind you to which no longer serves you – including the ties to your debilitating patterns. The Queen is ready for the ongoing cycle of death and rebirth.
It can be more comfortable to ask others what you should do when you hit a challenge in your life, but that is what the Princess does. The Queen first goes within, consults her own inner wisdom and trusts herself. Of course, sometimes she may need to consult her “council” and get some advice from her friends or her team, but her first practice is to become very present with her own thoughts, intuition and gut feelings. Ask yourself the difficult questions and listen to your own intuition and wisdom for the answers. You, your heart, and your awareness hold the key to everything you need to know. Whilst the Princess engages in constant mind based chitter-chatter, the Queen listens, reflects, and channels what she says from “above” and “below”. From above is the download from the Shakti that seems to arrive without you even having to think about it. The words just seem to come from some higher place and you are just a conduit for this powerful expression. From below is the inspiration that comes up as result of your own efforts to gain knowledge, your rigorous practice, your research and the hours you’ve spent learning. It’s because of your efforts that you can be a conduit for great insight.
So often, we just speak from the mind without truly listening to whom we are speaking to and without truly listening to our own heart and truth. Like any real Princess, you’ve practiced being in your mind: analysing and overthinking what to say, how to defend yourself, how to get what you want and be “right”. You’ve already passed the exam on thinking, people-pleasing and saying the “right” thing. Now, is the time to listen to people’s hearts and to your own heart. You have all the love and power at your disposal. Being in your heart will gradually sweep away all nonsense of the mind. You might even discover who you really are and let others see who you really are. The more often you talk to your heart, the more courageous you become and the less your ego will be running the show. From your arms will emerge two swords clearing the way to express your deepest essence and you will be able to BE YOURSELF!
Be direct in your communication to avoid ambiguity, wasting time and energy in useless conversation and further conflict. Clear, authentic and honest communication will always be direct without the need to over-explain or over-communicate. If you find yourself over-explaining, you probably need to re-evaluate what you want to communicate! State what you need clearly, honestly and directly. Don’t be afraid to say “Yes”, “No” or “I don’t know” rather than creating drama by justification or over-explanation.
As the Queen, you mostly feel complete and fulfilled. You are living your dreams and all your hard work has gifted you with a level of freedom, ease, power and joy that radiates from your being. Naturally, without you thinking about it, you ignite the same fire in others and extend healing and deeply comforting energy. Whilst the Queen is loving toward her community, she is also tough when she needs to be. She builds her Queendom by teaching others by her example and when it is called for, givinghonest reflections. She is more concerned with truth than winning fans, so her community must be willing to keep growing and changing. She walks her talk, not for others but herself, remembering and honoring everything that she has been through.
My greatest hero is my father, who has spent most of his life teaching and serving others. He has always taught me that love must be put into action, and that action is service. His words regarding service and the many words of wisdom my father gave me growing up, have always inspired me and helped me to shift away from my ego’s self-serving desires, toward a life more aligned to service to others. One of the easiest ways to begin a commitment to loving acts of service is to try to do at least one thing a day for someone else. Not someone very close to you, where you end up benefiting from the act of service either advertently or inadvertently, and not your children, but rather someone who would not expect it.
Whether its sending someone some inspirational writing, listening for as long as is needed with love, compassion and presence, holding someone, offering advice or being generous in some way, initiating something joyful, surprising someone with kindness – there is always something you can do to brighten a person’s day. You may even find that you take great joy in knowing the impact of your love in action and you will get to the point where you are not doing these things for recognition or because you’re reading it in this manual, but to feel the authentic joy in service. The ego seeks recognition, but in a life of service, loving action is its own reward. We feel joy from bringing joy. There are a multitude of ways in which we can give. It doesn’t really matter what we do – the point is to get in the habit of not just always having our attention on ourselves, but also placing our attention toward others and being of service.