Cultivating Healthy Sexuality

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‘Love is the secret key; it opens the door of the divine. Laugh, love, be alive, sing, become a hollow bamboo and let His song flow through you…’’ ~Osho

Cultivating healthy sexuality is an integral part of Tantra and Tantric practices. Tantra teaches us to move sexual energy in our own bodies first, so that we are not dependent on our partner for our sexual experience. This involves a breaking out of the social conditioning that your sexuality is about someone else. Sexuality is natural, not mental.

So ask yourself: How easily can you cultivate sexual energy within your own being?  What does sexual energy feel like to you?  Is it restricted to the genital area, or do you feel it throughout your body?  How do you express your sexuality in your life?

Sexual connection is not meant to happen through the mind or be focused on an end result. It happens through the body; through feeling and following the natural flow of sexual energy – Kundalini energy.

There is this common misperception that it is normal for sex, love and intimacy to eventually die down or become less passionate and intense between beloveds. The key word here is misperception! There are simple, powerful, and reliable body-intelligence based shifts you can apply, that will open your capacity for giving and receiving greater love, sexiness and intimacy in your relationship. The practice of Tantra offers techniques that invite aliveness into your Being and a coming home to yourself as the primary beloved.

Through cultivating healthy sexuality you’ll discover that we were designed to purr like cats, and to live in a high state of emotional and energetic attunement.

Whilst the “normal” state of intimate relating is falsely based on the belief that our pleasure is dependent on another, you will come to experience that when we’re fully alive in our bodies and heart, whilst holding presence and awareness of all sensations arising, there is a pleasure available to us that propels us to deep states of bliss. This “new” state of intimate relating empowers our experience of pleasure to come from within, to heal any unconscious resistance to love, and to continually expand into greater states of love, pleasure and connection.

Healthy sexuality is about recognising that we are literally a manifestation of sexual energy – this is how we were created! It is time to let go of fear, guilt and shame around sexuality.

Sex is the beautiful act that created us and that we use to create the most miraculous beautiful manifestation on the planet – new life!

Healthy sexuality is authentic.It is not repressed and also not over the top (for instance, tits and ass hanging out, having sex with as many people as possible and posting nothing but half naked photos and pouting selfies on social media). A lot of Tantra retreats can have this energy of “free for all”.  For me, authentic sexuality is about love, connection and presence. To experience authentic sexuality, the first step is to connect to your own sexuality in your own essence.

In relating to your own sexuality, inquire: what does this energy inside of me really desire? What does it like?Is the way that I’m moving through life authentic to what I desire? Get used to attuning to yourself so that when it comes to sharing your sexuality you know what you like, what you need and can comfortably pause if you need to. Healthy sexuality requires awareness and openness around boundaries, fears and desires. So many women go into fight (reaction), flight (get out of there) or freeze (disconnect from themselves and the situation to tolerate) while making love or engaging sexually.  Sadly they believe they have to just keep soldiering on. You do not! Your no is always more important than a man’s yes! I am here to tell you that it’s okay if you need to slow down, stop and tune in or just stop all together.

Many of us have an unconscious relationship to our sexuality. Two common examples of unconscious sexuality are:

There’s a focus on the clitoral orgasm: There is nothing wrong with having a clitoral orgasm, however placing the focus there takes away from the depth of experience that is possible. The limitations of this kind of lovemaking are:

  • It creates a fast build-up of excitement that can quickly lead to ejaculation in the man.
  • Clitoral orgasm tends to be the end of lovemaking or the end of pleasure for the woman – so love-making tends to be short.
  • It can be very mind based – this is what I need to “do” to get my orgasm.
  • It disconnects us from our heart.
  • Due to the focus on the contractive buildup of sexual energy for clitoral orgasm, the sexual connection with oneself (in self-loving), or with another, often doesn’t go as deep as it can.

Using sex as a way to feel loved: When we engage sexually for emotional gratification, or parade sexuality as a means of getting validation, it leads to the over-exaggeration I was talking about earlier. A woman who is running unconscious sexuality doesn’t fully inhabit her body and doesn’t feel much during lovemaking. Her sex life is often overlaid with romantic fantasy and longing for the lover who will make her emotionally happy.

When a woman develops a conscious relationship with her sexualityand her yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina), she discovers the profoundly receptive quality of her sex. The yoni is a receptacle, a gateway and a temple space. She opens the way a flower opens to the light of the sun when the day dawns. She drinks in sensation with all her senses and sees-feels-listens-tastes throughout her body. She opens because her heart opens – her sex is an expression of her love. In lovemaking, she is circling and spiraling and exploring – always moving and creating, and at the same time going nowhere slowly. There is nothing linear about her. She knows sex as the act of Creation; God and Goddess coming together to manifest consciousness in this moment.Lovemaking is the embodiment of love for her Divine Masculine sexuality.

In last weeks newsletter, I shared the Hollow Flute Practice – a Tantric Energy practice that allows you to connect to your own sexual essence, moving sexual energy around the entire body, rather than focusing it just on the genital area. If you’rewanting to cultivate more healthy sexuality, then this practice is a powerful way to embark and deepen on this journey.

To watch me demonstrate the practice CLICK HERE

Through the Eliyah blog and newsletters we will continue to share Tantric practices and techniques that help you to develop healthy, conscious sexuality within your own being, and then also with a partner if you so choose.

You can also explore more of these practices as part of our Being Woman retreat this October in India – an 8-day, women’s pilgrimage where you will learn, practice and embody the ancient wisdom of Tantra, Kundalini and the path of the Scared Feminine, at one of India’s most venerated holy sites – Tiruvannamalai.

Event details HERE:

Enquiries: info@eliyah.com.au

So, feel into your own sexuality, have a play and see what arises,

With love

Xx Chantelle